The Dysfunctional Village, Society And The Burden On Children



Children can't be children because they are dysfunctional ally forced into adulthood faster than the law dictates, without the love or guidance of "The Village". But where did all our people go? Decades of dysfunctional upbringing has created a soulless society attempting to raise children as little adults.


How about the contradictions in that one statement.


Many cultures worldwide, place adult responsibilities on children, leaving them empty vessels to grow and create meaningless lives. We still live in a time where young girls are arranged to marry and consummate that union before they reach puberty. In America, young girls are the matriarch of the family because mom is never home for whatever reason and young boys are subjected to physical, spiritual and emotional abuse for simply exhibiting any form of emotion.

Let's not forget the "baby sitter" trend that forced young boys into promiscuity, another form of childhood sexual assault.


That topic in itself is another article's worth of discussion, but Would that not take a toll on the developing mind of a young girl or young boy? I think so, It's a cycle of destroying lives before they begin; even if indirectly or unintentionally. When parents are stressing over financial means and otherworldly issues, Children are pushed to the side as if they are the least of importance. From the day they are born children can feel.


The fact may be true that comprehension has to develop over time but a child is smart enough to know when they are a burden on someone or when they aren't wanted. They can feel the vibrations in the atmosphere around them. Like a newborn child will remain calm and content when in a nurturing, soothing environment. The moment you remove that child into a place of chaos, they immediately are discomforted and their actions start to reflect it.


Think about the "problem child" that from the outside looking in, they have the world. All of the physical things this child could want they have, they are fly as ever when it comes to the trendy fashions and up to date on all of the latest electronics. However they are unhappy with their life and at ends with everything, school, parents, siblings, you name it. There is always a problem in their eyes and despite all, they "have" happy and content is something they rarely are.


The fact is, the pressure of not being able to properly parent, be it long hours at the job, lack emotional support for yourself, lack of parental skills, you fill in the blank; This takes away the ability to function and think correctly. It creates an atmosphere of desperation and self-hate. Eventually, you start existing and no longer living, just going through the motions daily. In essence, this hinders the ability to provide the emotional stability the child needs.


The easiest way to keep the parent from realizing this and addressing it; the pacify the child with materialistic things and sweep the real issues under the rug. These are just some of the actions that lead to self-hate and a sense of worthlessness. Often reflected in the child as well, and it can lead to resentment of the parent from that child. Yes, you can have all of the finer things but if you have no one to spend quality time with, or encourage you to believe in yourself, it's all for nothing.


Children are taught love, nurturing, caring and kind attributes. These are skills that are adapted through visual representation. The lack of visual aspect, in most of the lives of children today is unwavering the hardest aspect to comprehend in my lifetime. How can there be no change in the upbringing of our youth, I remember these circumstances, I grew up knowing no love and it wasn't until I was 30 years old, did I learn about it.


As a society, you should understand that every cause has an effect, and because children have been emotionally neglected for so long, the neglect created little empty vessels and released them into the world. A child can not be a child if they are being the adult that has to raise them. We are put here to guide them and empower them to become the greatest that they can be, Not indirectly force them into a cycle of dysfunction. The old saying goes, "It takes a village to raise a child" and the truth in that will always remain. It does.


It takes more than one responsible person involved in the upbringing of a child, the same way it takes two to create one. It doesn't have to be the two people that created the child that impacts their lives the most, it can be anyone who cared enough to be there. So many children have died because no one was there, mom may have been in the picture, dad may have been around, but no one was there. Every time I read an article about the suicide or death of a child, my heart already knows, no one was there.


Just recently, in particular, I saw a YouTube video with a mother explaining why her 17-year-old son had just jumped in front of train and killed himself. This mother was distraught and in pain as she was expected to be; she just lost her son and his life was about to change for the better had he still been here. He was expected to enroll in college on a football scholarship. In this video his mother goes on to mention how she struggled for a greater part of life, he was her oldest son so he was around for all of the ups and downs she went through.

His father was not in the picture and they struggled financially as well.


Oftentimes sleeping in their car because they had no family that would open the doors to allow them in, nor did the mother have any means to afford a hotel room. This woman had three children, all boys and they all slept in a car because they had no place to go. I have a son as well, my son will be 19 soon and from experience I can say, to see your mother upset and hurting will take a toll on your conscience.


A conflict will begin to stir deep down inside the soul of a developing young man, his masculine instincts to provide and protect will kick in and start to conflict with reality. The truth is it all is everyone has a role and part to play in time, and a child, no matter their intentions has no place in adult roles. Does that mean the child will not feel these pressures and take these struggles on for themselves, no it doesn't?


It simply means that children witness the ordeals of their parents and the dysfunction is what destroys them. Think about that for a minute, Especially a child that commits suicide. There is no reason a child struggling emotionally, due to the turmoils of his life; goes unnoticed or not prioritized. Children should not feel alone in a world that is expected to shield, guide, nurture and love them unconditionally.


Some of the most important messages go undelivered because people are afraid of how they will be perceived. I don't judge and I am the least bit of judgmental. I was born on a balance with a certain unique ability to see the bigger picture regardless of if I agree with one side or not. Everything I put out publicly will remain unbiased but factual.


The unfortunate truth in it all is this mother was not emotionally available for or supportive of this child; she had no idea how to be because she was not in a place mentally to do so. Had there been a village surrounding her in the upbringing of these children, good, bad or indifferent; perhaps there would have been a better outcome. She reached out for help but the family couldn't even put differences aside long enough to bear the burden of housing these children. The responsibility fell on the middle son and the mother; when in essence it should have fallen on an entire "village"; a community.


In my opinion, this child was forced into suicide and society, those around him and aware of this family's hardships are contributors. The signs are there and in this day and age, people are too selfish to spare a minute to extend an olive branch to their neighbor.

I saw the signs in my oldest son early. The oldest of four, for a long time it was just he and I until I later married and his brother came into the picture. Though the ups and downs of my marriage, losing everything and being homeless with his siblings; my son witnessed things he should not have been subjected to at his age.


Due to his ability to understand what was going on, he felt as if he was supposed to "do something". He had no idea what that "something" was because he was just a kid but even still; he felt obligated to help his mother out of the slump that she was in. Not being able to do anything made him feel like he should not be around and him feeling that way tore me down. These were never my intentions; what kind of mother would inflict such worry on their child? Intentionally.

Sooner than later the conversations started to get a little dim. My son started to ask questions like "Would it be easier if I only had three children?" telling me how easy it was to die and how he was not afraid to do so. My son was and still is very wise and I knew this was a cry for help. I was my son at one point in time except no one saw the signs, ever.


As a parent, the last thing you want to feel is that you are causing your child harm or the reason they aren't successful in life is due to your wrongdoings. Unfortunately, to correct it, I had to accept the facts. None of what I could provide for them was important; what we did together during our time here was the only thing that matter. Life is as hard as we make it, and I learned that by realizing I was making life hard for my children.


The reason I decided to uproot my entire family and focus primarily on self-care and my children, was to save my son. He was entering into the world alone and I could not allow that. Some of the things he shared with me would raise the hairs on the dead but as a mother, my sole purpose was to shield him from outside forces and protect his spirits. It is not the responsibility of the child to uplift the parents.


As a parent, you must take the time necessary to hear your child, even when it hurts you to do so. If the struggles are hard on you as a grown adult, imagine how they must be for a child who did not ask to be born.


To empower a child is to empower a nation,

To empower and uplift them you must have time and patience

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©2020 by Dominique Nicole/Alpha Queen